Boundaries

Historically, one of my biggest problems in my relationships, whether platonic, romantic or professional, is that I set very poor boundaries. I’m terrified of rejection and abandonment and so I avoid telling anyone that they did something that hurt me in some way. Obviously I silently resent them, and because they might not necessarily know what they’ve said or done has affected me, they might do it again, and so my resentment grows. Eventually it gets to a point where I’m so resentful that I decide I have to carve the entire relationship out of my life, for my own wellbeing. This pattern has cost me friendships, was the reason I left my ex-girlfriend and the cause of my quitting my last job.

But it can’t go on though, especially now I am aware of it, it’s so obviously damaging and stupid. The problem is that I’m not quite sure what to do in place of rolling over and dying or snapping completely and without possibility of redemption. There must be some kind of middle ground somewhere, occupied by people who have altogether healthier relationships than I do, but I’ve never tried to set foot there before. And I’m scared. I’m reliably informed it’ll be worth it though.