Missing Social Media
A couple of months ago I ditched the Twitter account I used under a screenname, and purged the app from my phone. Since then I've had no Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.
When I decided to get rid of all of my accounts, I had assumed that after some kind of initial period of withdrawal, I would get to reap the benefits of my actions - both in the form of a smug sense of moral superiority over my lesser-willed peers and also in my newfound productivity, no longer endlessly scrolling on my phone.
But I don't. Actually I kinda miss social media.
In its absence, I realise now that all those apps were scratching an itch for me - the itch for human connection. It made connectedness feel effortless and available 24/7, 365. Even if everything my friends posted on Facebook was mindless drivel, and I couldn't care less about the people who were supposedly my 'friends' on there anyway, at least I could get to see, like, interact with them. On Instagram, even if everyone I followed only ever posted pictures with the rose-tinted-est of filters, I still got to like, comment fire emojis, and feel as if that was some kind of meaningful interaction. On Twitter... actually I have nothing good to say about Twitter. It's a fundamentally flawed premise and a blight on digital culture and modern society.
I don't know if this feeling of interaction was 'real'. Perhaps some social engineer in a lab in Silicon Valley had perfectly calibrated the platform and its various algorithms in such a way that they knew I would receive just the right amount of dopamine. Perhaps it was in my own head, and the delusion was all mine, a way to justify my decision to avoid reaching out or being vulnerable with people. Perhaps it was a combination of both.
Maybe I have it right, by ditching these sites. Maybe everybody else has it right by embracing them. Maybe both, maybe neither, maybe something in between. I'm not smart enough to even posit a reasonable suggestion.
What I do know is that maintaining relationships is tough, especially without the easy interactions afforded to me by social media. If I want to gently remind someone that I still exist, I can no longer just like one of their posts, I have to send them a message, and it turns out that's a lot harder. I am prone to being bad at talking to people, and now I think without social apps I often feel isolated, even though I know rationally that if I did still have them, any sense of inclusion I might feel would only be superficial and fleeting. So... I don't really know what to do. Try really hard to make more of an effort I guess, and hope I can do it.