Positive Juice

I am typing this from the Wagamama in Gatwick Airport Departures. Beside my laptop is an arrogantly green 'positive juice'. I ordered it in the hope that it will imbue me with some of its positivity, and I might be able to shake off my usual drab cynicism, at least for the time I am sat here.

I'm trying really hard to let it do its thing. London has already somewhat brightened my disposition - I love coming here, at least in small doses. It feels like stuff is happening, ideas are being shared, people are struggling for something. If I lived here I think my anxiety would get the better of me pretty quickly, but still. It gives me some hope - there is a big wide world out there, away from the weird bubble on Guernsey that I live in. In London I could do anything, and I could be anyone - I like that feeling.

This trip is the happiest I have been... since my last trip to London. So I guess I should book another one soon - I am already considering coming back to see Mom Jeans in January. The real question is, how can I carry this feeling back over the Channel with me? I don't want to go back home and be sad immediately.

I think I've felt a lot less guilt this trip than I would at home. I woke up at 8am instead of 6am, and played on my phone in bed for an hour - and felt fine about it. I spent a couple of hours in the evenings watching Youtube videos on my laptop, and wasn't overwhelmed by the feeling that I should be doing something 'productive' instead. Maybe that is what I need to take home with me - relaxation. Being able to just absorb fairly mindless media instead of trying to learn or build something. Even scheduling in time when I force myself to play games or catch up on Youtube.

Maybe I'll ask them for the recipe for this juice, and get a juicer, and every day in the morning I'll wake up and the first thing I'll do will be to make myself a positive juice. We'll have to see.