Reflecting On: Success

Success was, ironically, pretty comfortably the most successful post on my old Wordpress site, in terms of page views. It is also my favourite post there, and probably one of my favourite things I've ever written.

I published it a year ago today, so it seemed appropriate to reflect upon some of the things on the list, and maybe see if there is anything I can add to it.

Firstly, there are quite a few about my sexual exploits. This year has... not been successful on that front. But there's always next year.

There are some cool gaming ones - I would definitely add attending FACEIT Major London to the list, a LAN much bigger than Dreamhack London. Seeing 10000 nerds all packed into an arena cheering at some other nerds playing videogames on a stage really validated my lifelong commitment to nerdom. I made good on my promise to get a sub 3 minute Refunct run too!

The handful about poker and career were obviously written from a different place. I'm happy that I still view all those things as achievements, even if I didn't turn out to be the next cumicon. Would I add anything to the list on this topic? Perhaps, I think getting hired for a position I am aggressively underqualified for is something of an achievement. I built my first two commercial sites, and I actually think they are of a reasonable quality. I designed and built this site, although 'designed' is a bit of a stretch. Overall, some neat things, and some things I ought to recognise as successes - but I am more excited for potential greater career achievements in the next couple of years.

One of the items from the list year really sticks out for me in the context of the last 365 days - #65 'kicked depression in the dick'. It turns out, that injuring something's genitals is actually only exceptionally rarely fatal. Considering depression well and truly beaten is one success that I am going to have to put on ice for the foreseeable future, although I think there are some successes this year that have come out of it - namely, surviving and even being a relatively functional member of society. I got and have kept a new job, still maintain a good group of friends, and just signed the lease for a new flat, despite having really struggled with my mental health in the last 12 months. Good job, me.

I touched on it in my post yesterday, but one of the biggest changes (and, I think, successes) that I see in myself in the last year is that I care about stuff a lot more. I have become more socially conscious, I no longer actively avoid learning about politics, I closely follow tech news, I want to change my own lifestyle to combat climate change, I want to contribute to effective altruism etc. This time last year, I was very much more focused on myself, and my own success, viewing those other things as distractions that would cause me stress and sadness. Now, I think these things can help me feel like part of something bigger, which I am led to believe could make me happier.

It's been a difficult year, and in some ways there aren't many new successes of the ilk that I wrote about last year. But I think there are plenty of more subtle, nuanced ones, that make me excited about the next year.

And, it is my birthday, which means I am listening to this song all day.