Say Yes

Historically I have had a lot of trouble leaving my comfort zone, which has had a sort of self-perpetuating nature - the longer one remains in their comfort zone, the smaller it becomes. I’ve experienced generalised anxiety for the majority of my adult life to a greater or lesser degree, and it has at times been debilitating. It has certainly prevented me from doing a great many things that I might otherwise have done. Recently though I’ve somewhat made a breakthrough on this front, although perhaps not for the right reasons.

It’s become painfully clear to me now that actually there is great discomfort within my so-called comfort zone, and that pain is in fact comparable with my worst-case scenario were I to leave it and dive into whatever it is I might have anxiety about. It’s a very bizarre conclusion to come to, that what I had previously thought was the low risk, safe option is actually the high risk one, and subsequently any paths previously judged to be high risk are at worst equally dicey in comparison.

As a result, my anxiety has diminished a lot in recent weeks, although admittedly that changes seems to have been borne from a sense of nihilism. But so far, I have said yes to a handful of things that the old me would not have, and I’ve yet to have any go badly wrong. I want to keep saying yes, and forge a new comfort zone within the novel and unknown, embracing new experiences wherever I can, regardless of any fears I might have, even to some extent willing to take greater legitimate risks. I know that it won’t all go smoothly, and there will be some amount of pain incurred by this, but there will be pain on my previous path anyway, so what does it matter?

The next thing I have said yes to is going swimming in the sea at 7am on Thursday. Wish me luck.