Self Analysis is Exhausting
Between low self esteem and having been the beneficiary of a lot of therapy, I spend a lot of mental energy on self analysis. Am I doing the right things, am I saying the right things, am I thinking the right things, am I looking after myself, am I having a positive (or at least not negative) impact on the people in my immediate vicinity, am I on the path I want to be on, am I just on the path I feel I ought to be on, what does the path I want to be on actually look like… etc. I feel like this is all stuff I have covered plenty of times before. Writing this blog plays into it somewhat too; given my mental health is one of the only things I think is actually worth writing about, I obviously do write about it a lot, and in the process undergo a lot of self reflection. And sometimes I get really, really exhausted from having myself under the microscope so often - this tiredness is definitely something I feel today. It is another thing that seems to creep back no matter how many times I try and banish it though.
That is not to say that some progress hasn’t been made - I am in general a lot more accepting of some of my flaws now than I have been in the past. Hopefully the trend will continue until I am totally at peace with myself as a person, and I’ll no logner feel the need to search for areas of improvement in my life. but for now, it continues to be incredibly tiring.