Sober Narcissism

Published in Personal - 2 mins to read

One of the more interesting things that has come out of undertaking auto-psychoanalysis both with and without a hefty blood alcohol level is how much more I care about other people when I’m drunk. I dunno if this as gonna come across as really like virtue-signal-y, and I really hope it doesn’t (largely because I am going to make the case that I am a selfish piece of shit when I’m sober), but it’s something I’ve been trying to unpack recently.

The more intoxicated I get, the more I care about other people and focus much more on my friends and the people around me being happy. In those moments, it’s their happiness that feels really, really important to me, and I feel so overwhelming full of love for them. When I’m in a fit state to drive a car though, I care far more about myself, and worry much more about my own happiness, and I don’t feel the same connection I do after 8 pints of Guinness. Why not? Is that part of me inside my brain somewhere, and I’m just so narcissistically absorbed in my own self-hatred that I pay it no attention? I kinda hope so, because maybe that means if I get over myself I can fish that wholesome part of me out.