Therapy Deja Vu

This morning was my first therapy session in almost two years. Having had several courses of therapy before, in many ways I feel like my expectations are quite well set; this isn’t my first rodeo. While some things are always the same, and I do not have the same fears about the process that I once did, there are new fears that have taken their place. Everyone knows that repeating the same thing while expecting different outcomes is the definition of insanity (which I am trying to avoid in more ways than one), I sincerely hope that this is the last time I have to go through the process of therapy.

For whatever reason, it has yet to stick so far, and I think one of the biggest factors as to whether I am successful in this new therapeutic endeavour will be being able to identify what I can do differently this time, in order to achieve sustainable progress and not find myself back in the same position in 18 months time. Given that I am working with a therapist I have previously seen, it will be interesting to see whether or not she feels I have made meaningful progress in the interim. In some ways, I feel like I have, but in some other, possibly more fundamental ways, I feel like I have not.

Either way, the notion of “being in therapy” does provide some amount of comfort, as I can rest a little easier knowing that I have a trained professional who will support me. It has taken a long time for me to get here, but based off my first session today, I am hopeful that I will be able to change some of the self-destructive patterns and behaviours with therapy being an important piece of the puzzle.