50 Ways To Show Someone You Love Them Without Having Sex

I’ve never spoken especially highly of the sex education I received at school, as frankly I feel like it left me wholly unprepared for the complex, emotional realities of sex itself. At the fairly young age of 13 or so, I distinctly remember the inhabitants of our all male form being handed out purple leaflets, emblazoned with the religion-reminiscent heading ‘50 ways to show someone you love them without having sex’.

Now here’s the thing. I can’t remember 49 of the things on the list - I’m sure I could hazard a guess and probably get some obvious ones, hold hands, cook them dinner etc etc. But there is one I very explicitly do remember, as something I thought of as bizarre and uncouth over 10 years ago, and my opinion is little changed since - cut their toenails.

Despite not knowing what any of them are, I am confident in saying that I would do any of the remaining 49 displays of affection before I would cut someone else’s toenails. And I would definitely, definitely have sex with them first.

Maybe this is the new bar I should set for trying to find a life partner - somebody I love so much, I’d happily cut their toenails?