Cards are fucking stupid
It's Christmas time. Today I had to buy Christmas cards, and it reminded me that cards are fucking stupid. If you don't believe me, allow me to explain to you why this is the case.
Sending cards is a completely meaningless, vapid obligation we are collectively faced with. To not send a card to every great aunt, second cousin and half-step-husband-in-law-twice-removed would be to commit a serious social faux pas. Intra-familial schisms have formed over less. If you don't send cards on birthdays, Christmases, Hanukkahs, christenings, weddings, funerals (seriously this is fucking weird), and even when somebody gets a new job, then you're an asshole, and that's just how it is.
Nobody likes buying or writing or sending cards. I was overwhelmed with choice when having to buy my family each individual Christmas card today - which particular twee variation of a reindeer or Santa or a selection of presents under a tree, accompanied but a suitably obnoxious, ungenuine slogan of my love and appreciation, should I plump for this year?
I am also convinced nobody actually gives a shit about receiving cards. I know I certainly don't. I open them, keep them on my desk what seems to be an appropriate length of time, and then I throw them away. They are borderline meaningless - the equivalent of liking the status of that guy you went to highschool with for two years back in eighth grade's status update that he's engaged. I don't really like it. I'm pissed that he's found love and happiness and I haven't. It's a passive aggressive liking but he doesn't even realise it. Fucking Kyle.
My point is, if you really give a shit about me enough to send me a Christmas card, then don't, because I won't care (actually I will care, I'll be annoyed at you for making me having to do more recycling). Send me a message. Pick up the phone. Even if you insist on writing me a card - scrawl a meaningful message inside, something I might actually take the time to respond to. Because just sending me a card on my birthday and Christmas does not show you care about me at all - it's complete bullshit, and I'm sick of it.