Engagement Rings For Dummies
This post is to help scared & unprepared first-time proposers. I was one of your number not so long ago.
When writing this post, I found a diamond that cost 15x the one in my fiancée’s engagement ring, despite the two being identical to the naked eye.
I had no idea about diamonds before I decided to propose, and it quickly became clear there was a lot of scope to fuck up. Pricing seemed wholly mystical to me, and oftentimes unrelated to the characteristics of the diamond.
It took weeks for me to feel confident enough to actually purchase something, but in the end I bought a beautiful ring that my fiancée loves (or at least, loved enough to say yes when I proposed to her with it). I think I got the most out of my budget; the central stone in the ring I eventually bought ended up being 3x larger than the ones I was initially looking at.
I want to save prospective ring-buyers some of the stress I felt, as well as pay-forward the help I had from friends along the way. Here’s everything you need to know when buying an engagement ring.
To Surprise or Not to Surprise?
The degree to which you want the ring to be a surprise will dictate your approach. For my partner, I asked her quite directly about her preferences: what cuts of diamonds she liked, what styles of rings appealed to her, and acceptable parameters for the ring. I then tried to maintain as much surprise as possible by choosing something within those parameters but not revealing the exact details.
If you’re aiming for a complete surprise, the standard advice is to ask friends and family, which probably works well. However, if your partner already wears jewelry, pay attention to what they choose for themselves. Their existing taste is your best guide.
Understanding the Four Cs (Without Losing Your Mind)
The four Cs—cut, colour, clarity, and carat—are the standard metrics for evaluating diamond quality. I found the Queensmith guides useful as a starting point for the basics, but they don’t help much in understanding what characteristics a diamond ought to have in order to look great on your partner’s finger.
Once you have the four Cs down pat, this Twitter thread will get you most of the rest of the way there. Rota has already gone to the trouble of figuring out what characteristics and grades of diamond are indistinguishable to the naked eye, so you can essentially get the cheapest thing that still looks perfect. The diamond I ended up buying was essentially the largest one I could afford while adhering to the minimum specs in that thread.
He also makes the point that you should get a bespoke design, and I absolutely agree. There are places that offer it at no extra cost, and even if you only make minimal changes to the design, it’s still worth it for the additional control over the final product.
Lab Grown vs. Natural: An Easy Decision
Perhaps the biggest price differentiator is whether you choose a lab grown or naturally occurring diamond. Unless your partner has an explicit preference for natural diamonds, you should absolutely get lab grown. It will likely cost around half the price of a comparable natural diamond.
There is no way to distinguish between the two without specialized equipment and expertise. They are chemically identical—both are real diamonds. The only difference is their origin story, and for many, the ethical concerns of natural diamond mining make lab grown even more appealing beyond the price.
Where to Buy: Online vs. In-Person
If you buy from a jeweler in person, particularly in a major city like London, you’re paying a premium for the showroom experience. Whereas if you buy online, it can be much cheaper for something of equivalent quality.
A friend recommended me an online jeweler called Loose Grown Diamond. Despite the somewhat dubious name, the recommendation was enough to overcome any reservations I had, and I had a great experience with them - their customer service was excellent, and the value for money was outstanding as they work directly with the diamond growing labs to keep costs down.
Getting the Size Right
You can get ring sizers extremely cheap online—they’re about £2 on Amazon—and they’re great if you’re comfortable sharing with your partner that you’re planning on buying them a ring.
Estimating ring size is tough. I asked my partner if she knew her ring finger size, and she guessed based on the size of her index finger which she knew—and was several sizes off. Alternatively, you can try asking your partner’s family and friends.
Most jewelers claim to be able to estimate ring size based on a picture of the person’s hands, but I’m skeptical. It’s better to guess too big than too small—partly so that during the proposal, you know for sure the ring will go over your partner’s finger, but also because resizing a ring larger often incurs an additional cost if it’s not covered by the original jeweler’s free resizing policy.
Understanding Value for Money
The tricky thing with diamonds is figuring out what constitutes good value. I think the only reliable approach is to understand the four Cs, and then spend a lot of time looking at diamond prices to develop an intuition.
Initially, it was extremely unclear to me why two similar-seeming diamonds had wildly divergent prices, and even after extensive research, it’s not entirely obvious in some cases. My sense is that in many instances, what you’re paying for goes beyond the aesthetics of the diamond.
There are tools available that will estimate a diamond’s market price based on its key characteristics. Similarly, there are tools to generate 3D renderings of rings with different characteristics, allowing you to experiment with various designs before committing.
The diamond industry is an inefficient market that thrives on information asymmetry and emotional decision-making, but with a bit of research and patience, you can find something beautiful without paying an unreasonable premium.
Bon chance, mes amis!