Feeling Overwhelmed

Whenever I have tried to articulate how I feel during a period of mental struggle in the past, I have often said that I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by obligations, expectations, calendars and to-do lists, social calls to be made and blog posts to be written. At some point it all gets too much, and rather than face any of it, I shy away from everything and confine myself to my bed, paralysed by the fear that I won’t get everything I need to done, and so ironically doing nothing.

The idea is of course that that was then, and this is now, and so I am better equiped to deal with those feelings before they become insurmountable. This week I can see them creeping up - I am pushing myself to do well in my new job, have been trying to hold conversations with many friends, plan trips, court my wife-to-be on Tinder, run, not eat total shit, troubleshoot various tech problems, and finally make some long overdue updates to this site. Somewhere in all of that, I need to find time to stop, breath, and look after myself. To remember what makes me happy, to reevaluate and reprioritise accordingly. To watch Netflix and eat ice cream.

It’s odd, to feel myself slipping, but even armed with that knowledge not to be sure how to catch myself. Being aware of it seems like a good start, trying consciously to put less pressure on myself in all the areas described above, trying to value time spent looking after myself more.

Deep breaths…