I expect myself to have more than 24 hours in a day
For a few years now, I have been a fan of the idea that your happiness is your reality minus your expectations. It seems to make a lot of sense to me, but I have never been very happy, despite having what I thought were low expectations. Having thought about it a little more recently, with some help from my therapist... I actually have insane, wholly unrealistic expectations. Here are some of them:
- I expect to improve my front end web dev skills very rapidly, across multiple languages and frameworks;
- I expect to improve my back end web dev skills very rapidly, across multiple languages and frameworks;
- I expect to pick up other software development skills and programming languages, including machine learning in python, native app development, c++ development, unit testing, scalable database management...;
- I expect to improve my computer science knowledge, and pass CS50 as quickly as possible;
- I expect to improve at basic maths, including linear algebra and algorithms;
- I expect to learn about the world, and keep up to date with the latest news in technology and science;
- I expect to learn about penetration, be able to secure bug bounties, and keep up with CVEs for all major platforms and devices;
- I expect to be working on multiple coding side-projects, be building useful applications and growing my portfolio;
- I expect to be completely comfortable using the Linux command line to do anything, as well as having an excellent knowledge of Windows and MacOS;
- I expect to be able to understand every stage of deployment and scaling for an app on an Apache server, and have a thorough understanding of Apache in general;
- I expect to go to the gym 5-6 times a week, and see an improvement in my cardiovascular fitness and all three main lifts;
- I expect to eat less and lose weight;
- I expect to get better at chess;
- I expect to maintain a group of friends, spend time with them, and get closer to some of them;
- I expect to be likeable, unawkward, and easily form a rapport with new people I meet;
- I expect to spend more time with my brother, give him good advice and help him be happier and maximise his life experience;
- I expect not to upset, anger or disappoint my friends, family or coworkers;
- I expect myself to have other hobbies and interests outside of tech, chess and the gym, and I expect myself to try and be open to trying new things;
- I expect to get 8+ hours of sleep every night;
- I expect my career to progress rapidly;
- I expect myself to overcome my anxiety and depression;
- I expect to be able to do this, with only 24 hours in a day, without succumbing to stress, while being able to balance relaxation that doesn't contribute to my personal growth, eg following esports.
Why I expect all this is a story for another day. But, I think I figured out why I'm sad all the time.