The Perfect Grilled Cheese

Good news, this is finally not a gratitude post. Except for the fact it is, because it is about how grateful I am that I exist in the same world as grilled cheeses (also I am not open to criticism about my use of American vernacular at this time, “cheese toastie” summons far less imposing images than it’s counterpart from across the Atlantic). After having made a great number of grilled cheeses during quarantine, and watching several Youtube videos of professional chiefs giving their take on the perfect grilled cheese, I think I have finally cracked it.

Ingredients

• Two slices Sourdough bread
• An unhealthy amount of mayonnaise (after having been a butterer for years - it seems logical with the availability of Guernsey butter - I have finally converted to #teammayo)
• 200g Guernsey mature sharp cheddar, grated
• Sliced brined jalapeños, washed
• Apple sauce (assuming you, like me, are too lazy hungry to caramelise your own apples)

Instructions

• Liberally apply mayonnaise to one side of each piece of bread - really push the boat out, get your slather on
• Place one piece mayo side down in a cold pan, then turn to medium heat
• Add grated cheese to bread in pan. You can press the cheese together a little so that it sticks and is easier to handle
• Lay apple sauce on top of cheese
• Lay sliced jalapeños on top of the apple sauce, which will help keep them in place
• Add second slice of bread, mayo side up
• Wait for the bottom piece of bread to toast, it should turn a nice golden-brown colour. Try to minimise the number of times you burn yourself while checking this
• Once suitably toasted, flip the whole thing with a spatula
• Reconstruct the grilled cheese because there’s now cheese, apple sauce and jalapeños all over the pan and decided not inside their bread container. Gently scold yourself for your lack of flipping abilities while you do this
• Wait until the new bottom piece of bread is a similar colour to the top
• Remove from pan, then cut diagonally into two pieces. Square cutters are animals
• Retreat to a room where no-one else is around to watch/judge you, and gorge yourself because despite cutting diagonally, you’re still just as much of an animal as square cutters

Enjoy.