It's Really Happening IV
Well, today is the day it really happens. In just a few short hours I’ll be getting on a plane and flying across the sea to what’s to become my new home.
It’s been an emotional couple of weeks. I’ve felt excited, scared, nervous, sad, hopeful, happy, regretful, relieved, peaceful and incredibly stressed, all within a short space of time. It’s been an intense, and I expect the first few weeks of my new adventure to be intense too, as I acclimatize to my new surroundings. Amidst all the less pleasant feelings of the ones listed above, I did start having a few worries that I might get to today and feel completely unprepared, like I was making a terrible mistake and that I’d suddenly get cold feet. The good news is that I don’t feel like that, but there are still some difficult feelings lingering. Saying goodbye to people is hard, and I really hate it, especially when I’m the one who’s made the decision to leave and cause the separation. Saying goodbye to the familiarity and comfort of the place I’ve lived almost all my life is hard too, especially against the backdrop of moving somewhere so large and so different.
While this stuff is difficult, there are a few thoughts keeping me calm and feeling ready to get on the plane. Firstly, the move is a clean break; I know that totally reinventing myself might be naive, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try. This is an opportunity to leave things behind that’ve been troubling me or I’ve felt stuck with, and an opportunity to try anything new that I want to - be that recreationally, socially, emotionally or fashionably. The second is that I am doing this for me. Historically I have poured almost all of my time, effort and energy into other people and done the bare minimum to keep myself afloat in the tumult of my sketchy mental health, but this is different. It’s an investment in myself, a chance to do what I want and further my own ends. Having talked about owing myself a lot, this is the first step in repaying some of that debt.
Today has felt like it’s taken forever to come around, so I’m glad it finally has. I’ll be sure to document all my adventures in the big city in this blog, and likely share all the struggles I’ll face while finding my feet. I think it’s going to be fun - wish me luck.